Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
