Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're too hungover to prance.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
