He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
