His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
