Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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