i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
it's great music for shaving your balls
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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