I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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