I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
