you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sext me about skeletons
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
wow bdsm is so cute
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
