i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
