The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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