Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
