She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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