I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
