haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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