In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
