8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
