Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
