sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
