ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
