I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
