I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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