i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
