i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
