Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
