Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
