He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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