I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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