I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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