Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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