Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
