I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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