and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
