you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
