I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
