we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize