How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
