Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
