I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
