Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize