Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
