I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
