my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize