So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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