Small penises have feelings too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
