omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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