sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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