Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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