Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
