Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
