I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
