I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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