I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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