Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
