I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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