life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
