Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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