you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
