I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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