yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
