There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
