Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
