I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
