If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Randomize
