I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The best revenge is premature balding
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
