I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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