I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
