What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
