you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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