Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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