great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
