Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
