direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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