i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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