Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
