i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
