if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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