Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can text with my tongue
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize