There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
