he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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