beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
