Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
