I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
