I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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