she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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