Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
