I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
