Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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