Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
