Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
