gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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